Back To Chapel Town

I wonder what I should be when growing up becomes an option to me. A librarian seemed like a sure thing until the realization of statistical analysis became apparent. Spending time figuring out the interests of a town or schools demographic doesn't like something I would want to spend a lot of time learning about or doing. But selecting authors and musical artists to put on the shelves would be such a wonderful thing to do. But things put out would probably be looked over for Danielle Steel and Lady Gaga. Since most people aren't looking to expand their usually small horizons. Say Cult Of Luna's Somewhere Alone The Highway put out in the boonies of public library cds would anyone dare to venture into uncharted territory to be rewarded with a dense and deeply emotional album. Probably not.

Maybe a generic English major is the way to go. Drinking too much wine and writing things poorly, so later in life I can fail to write a novel or a poetry. And writing isn't something I do often or ever. Since everything that would come out would have been said by someone else only with more feeling. Typing out cliches for a grade doesn't seem like a way to spend time. Anything that comes out of this mind would be roman à clef anyway. What sane person would ever want to hear mostly made up stories based upon the few people I've known. It would be drab, banal, and boring. But still so far riding high on the list of things grown up me will try and do.

Or a social worker. Helping people has always been a dream of mine. Thank Batman for that. To think I could put someone on a better path towards contributing to the world would be a wondrous feeling. Making sure people grow up right or don't ruin their family or their own lives is beyond a grand thing to set ones life to. But the failures I would most certainly encounter would be very hard for me to handle, so this might be too dangerous of thing for me to do.

Perhaps all of things future careers are too far fetched for a failure such as me. One doesn't know until they try I guess. Whatever happens becoming one of the cops is out of the question. And maybe we'll never know. Becoming terribly withdrawn from the world seems like a possible outcome for me too.

In The Now

So, here I am. Sitting around feeling genuinely sexy. And no one to share this fleeting overconfidence with. In a sort time it'll be gone and back to feeling the opposite of this I'll go. But at least this will be here to remind me, that one day for a short while I felt sexy as hell. All of this is a far cry from what it's been like the last few days. Uncontrollable anxiety is a faraway feeling at the moment. It'll be back kicking the door down sooner or later, and ruin my otherwise nice numb day.

Perhaps this should be updated more. So all zero of you can be privy to all of the bullshit that flies through my mind. That wouldn't be terribly exciting since it's made up of so few parts. And I'm not feeling as if any of that needs to be divulged anyway. Since it probably wouldn't be all that surprising anyway. Wonderful.