This Is All True, But Not Meant For Anyone.

Do you ever chew gum? I do. Not so sure why. Trident is my brand. The flavor varies. Sometimes it's watermelon twist other times its bubble gum. And even other times it's some citrus combo. The is sometimes cuts my gums, the edges are surprisingly sharp. It's sort of a comfort to chew it though. I have to be needlessly active. Why am I telling you about this you ask? I'm not sure. I thought you'd find it interesting. Since it's not exactly peculiar, but not ever soul on earth does it. The vast majority can't though. So saying that is sort of insensitive.

Do you ever drink soda? Or do you call it pop? Not that it really matters. It means the same thing. I stopped a few weeks ago. To see if cutting out those pointless calories would help me loose some weight. Not sure if it is. It's not that I think you should. You drink it to your hearts content, if you so please. I just don't feel the best about myself, so as I said, I cut it out of my diet.

Do you like movies? I hope so. I adore them. The silver screen sparkles so splendidly. It's a great way to fill time, instead of staring endlessly at pointless computer screen. But if you don't like them, it's okay. We can't have everything in common.

Do you like books? That I can't just brush off. Literature is deeply important to me. Reading is a gateway to all sorts of fun and adventure, and if you want none of that, you want none of me. Books have changed my life on many occasions and shaped the person yammering at this very moment.

Back To Chapel Town

I wonder what I should be when growing up becomes an option to me. A librarian seemed like a sure thing until the realization of statistical analysis became apparent. Spending time figuring out the interests of a town or schools demographic doesn't like something I would want to spend a lot of time learning about or doing. But selecting authors and musical artists to put on the shelves would be such a wonderful thing to do. But things put out would probably be looked over for Danielle Steel and Lady Gaga. Since most people aren't looking to expand their usually small horizons. Say Cult Of Luna's Somewhere Alone The Highway put out in the boonies of public library cds would anyone dare to venture into uncharted territory to be rewarded with a dense and deeply emotional album. Probably not.

Maybe a generic English major is the way to go. Drinking too much wine and writing things poorly, so later in life I can fail to write a novel or a poetry. And writing isn't something I do often or ever. Since everything that would come out would have been said by someone else only with more feeling. Typing out cliches for a grade doesn't seem like a way to spend time. Anything that comes out of this mind would be roman à clef anyway. What sane person would ever want to hear mostly made up stories based upon the few people I've known. It would be drab, banal, and boring. But still so far riding high on the list of things grown up me will try and do.

Or a social worker. Helping people has always been a dream of mine. Thank Batman for that. To think I could put someone on a better path towards contributing to the world would be a wondrous feeling. Making sure people grow up right or don't ruin their family or their own lives is beyond a grand thing to set ones life to. But the failures I would most certainly encounter would be very hard for me to handle, so this might be too dangerous of thing for me to do.

Perhaps all of things future careers are too far fetched for a failure such as me. One doesn't know until they try I guess. Whatever happens becoming one of the cops is out of the question. And maybe we'll never know. Becoming terribly withdrawn from the world seems like a possible outcome for me too.

In The Now

So, here I am. Sitting around feeling genuinely sexy. And no one to share this fleeting overconfidence with. In a sort time it'll be gone and back to feeling the opposite of this I'll go. But at least this will be here to remind me, that one day for a short while I felt sexy as hell. All of this is a far cry from what it's been like the last few days. Uncontrollable anxiety is a faraway feeling at the moment. It'll be back kicking the door down sooner or later, and ruin my otherwise nice numb day.

Perhaps this should be updated more. So all zero of you can be privy to all of the bullshit that flies through my mind. That wouldn't be terribly exciting since it's made up of so few parts. And I'm not feeling as if any of that needs to be divulged anyway. Since it probably wouldn't be all that surprising anyway. Wonderful.

As I sit here and listen to Mouth of the Architect's The Ties That Blind I'm reminded of why I enjoy music like this as much as I do. The melodies, the rhythm section, all of it playing off each other to makes such a wonderful wall of sound. The way all six songs come together is truly a gift to hear. It's hard to believe this album is already three years old and still few bands have put forth the effort to try and eclipse what they accomplished on this album.

I wish more people I knew were more open minded/enjoyed this style music. So I could share this (and many other) albums with them. :sigh:

Fuck it

I want to let you all know that over the last few days I read this book. It was... interesting. I'm not even sure how to articulate what this book is full of. Shit maybe? It's understandable that men and women are different. But this book covers such a narrow demographic. As in straight committed relationship Christians (as my living without the light of Christ would make my relationship any different). I'm not even sure why I read all of it.

The information was not presented in an interesting way. It was more of a jumble of boring "man speak". And if I remember correctly I don't think the way this book seems to think men think. It's sort insulting. I feel like my gender isn't as dumb as we're portrayed to be. Not that we aren't stupid, but I feel like books like this don't give us any credit.

Most of the information, is common fucking sense stuff.

Noise

I wonder if anyone will watch this?